I'm still learning to love

“Playroom,” he murmurs.Oh—I don’t know if that’s a good idea.“You up for the challenge?” he asks. And because he’s used the word challenge, I can’t say no.“Bring it on,” I murmur, desire and something that I don’t want to name thrum through my body. He carries me through the door, then up the stairs to the second floor.

Outside the playroom, he slides me down his body and sets me on my feet, but keeps his arm wrapped around my waist. Briskly he unlocks the door.It always smells the same: polished wood and citrus. It’s actually become a comforting smell. Releasing me,he turns me around until I’m facing away from him. He undoes the scarf, and I blink in the soft light. Gently, he pulls the hairpins from my updo, and my braid falls free. He grasps it and tugs gently so I have to step back against him.“I have a plan,” he whispers in my ear, sending delicious shivers down my spine.“I thought you might,” I answer. He kisses me beneath my ear.“Oh I do.” His tone is soft, mesmerizing. He tugs my braid to the side and plants a trail of soft kisses down my throat.

“First we have to get you naked.” His voice hums low in his throat and resonates through my body. I want this—whatever he has planned. I want to connect the way we know how. He turns me around to face him. I glance down at his jeans,the top button still undone, and I can’t help myself. I brush my index finger around the waistband, avoiding his T-shirt,feeling  the hairs of his happy trail tickle my knuckle. He inhales sharply, and I look up to meet his eyes. I stop at the unfastened button. His eyes darken to a deeper gray . . . oh my.“You should keep these on,” I whisper.“I fully intend to.”

And he moves, grabbing me with one hand to the back of my neck and the other around my backside. He pulls me against him, then his mouth is on mine, and he’s kissing me like his life depends on it.Whoa!He walks me backward, our tongues entwined, until I feel the wooden cross behind me. He leans into me, the contours of his body pressing into mine.“Let’s get rid of this dress,” he says, peeling my dress up my thighs, my hips, my belly . . . deliciously slowly, the material skimming over my skin, skimming over my breasts.“Lean forward,” he says.

I comply, and he pulls my dress over my head and discards it on the floor, leaving me in my sandals, panties, and bra. His eyes blaze as he grasps both my hands and raises them over my head. He blinks once and tilts his head to one side, and I know he’s asking for my permission. What is he going to do to me? I swallow, then nod, and a trace of an admiring, almost proud, smile touches his lips. He clips my wrists into the leather cuffs on the bar above and produces the scarf once more.“Think you’ve seen enough,” he murmurs. He wraps it around my head, blindfolding me again, and I feel a frisson run through me as all my other senses heighten; the sound of his soft breathing, my own excited response, the blood  pulsing in my ears, his scent mixed with the citrus and polish in the room—all are bought into sharper focus because I can’t see. His nose touches mine.

“I’m going to drive you wild,” he whispers. His hands grasps my hips, and he moves down, removing my panties as his hands glide down my legs. Drive me wild . . . wow.“Lift your feet, one at a time.” I oblige and he removes first my panties, then each sandal in turn. Gently grasping my ankle, he tugs my leg gently to the right.“Step,” he says. He cuffs my right ankle to the cross then proceeds to do the same with my left. I am helpless, spread-eagled on the cross. Standing, he steps toward me, and my body is bathed in his warmth once more though he doesn’t touch me. After a moment he grasps my chin, tilts my head up, and kisses me chastely.“Some music and toys, I think. You look beautiful like this. I may take a moment to admire the view.” His voice is soft. Everything clenches deep inside.

After a moment, maybe two, I hear him pad quietly to the museum chest and open one of the drawers. The butt drawer? I have no idea. He takes something out and places it on the top, followed by something else. The speakers spring to life, and after a moment the strains of a single piano playing a soft, lilting melody fill the room. It’s familiar—Bach, I think—but I don’t know what piece it is. Something about the music makes me apprehensive. Perhaps because the music is too cool, too detached. I frown, trying to grasp why it unsettles me, but he grasps my chin, startling me, and tugs gently so that I release my bottom lip. I smile, trying to reassure myself. Why do feel uneasy? Is it the music?

He runs his hand from my chin, along my throat, and down my chest to my breast. Using his thumb he pulls on the cup, freeing my breast from the restraint of my bra. He makes a low, appreciative humming noise in his throat and kisses my neck. His lips follow the path of his fingers to my breast, kissing and sucking all the way. His fingers move to my left breast, releasing it from my bra. I moan as he skates his thumb across my left nipple, and his lips close around my right, tugging and teasing gently until both nipples are long and hard.“Ah.”He doesn’t stop. With exquisite care, he slowly increases the intensity on each. I pull fruitlessly against my restraints as sharp pleasure spikes from my nipples to my groin. I try to squirm but I can hardly move, and it makes the torture all the more intense.“I know,” he murmurs his voice hoarse. “This is what you make me feel.”

What? I groan, and he begins again, subjecting my nipples to his sweet agonizing touch over and over—taking me closer.“Please,” I mewl.He makes a low primal sound in his throat, then stands, leaving me bereft, breathless, and squirming against my restraints. He runs his hands down my sides, one pausing on my hip while the other travels down my belly.“Let’s see how you’re doing,” he croons softly. Gently, he cups my sex, brushing his thumb across my clitoris and making me cry out. Slowly, he inserts one, then two fingers inside me. I groan and thrust my hips forward, eager to meet his fingers and the palm of his hand.“Oh, you’re so ready,” he says.

He circles his fingers inside me, around and around, while his thumb strokes my clitoris, back and forth, once more. It’s the only point on my body where he’s touching me, and all the tension, all the anxiety of the day, is concentrated on this one part of my anatomy.Holy shit . . . it’s intense . . . and strange . . . the music . . . I begin to build . . . he shifts, his hand still moving against and in me, and I hear a low buzzing noise.“What?” I gasp.“Hush,” he soothes, and his lips are on mine, effectively silencing me. 

I welcome the warmer, more intimate  contact, kissing him voraciously. He breaks the contact and the buzzing noise gets nearer.“This is a wand, baby. It vibrates.”He holds it against my chest, and it feels like a large ball-like object vibrating against me. I shiver as it moves across my skin, down between my breasts, across to first one, then the other nipple, and I’m awash with sensation, tingling everywhere, synapses firing as dark, dark need pools at the base of my belly.“Ah,” I groan while his fingers continue to move inside me. I’m close . . . all this stimulation . . . Tilting my head back, I moan loudly and he stills his fingers. All sensation stops.“No! ” I plead, trying to thrust my hips forward for some friction.

“Still, baby,” he says while my impending orgasm melts away. He leans forward once more and kisses me.“Frustrating, isn’t it?” he murmurs.Oh no! Suddenly I understand his game.“please.”“Hush,” he says and kisses me. And he starts to move again—wand, fingers, thumb—a lethal combination of sensual torture. He shifts so his body brushes against mine. He’s still dressed, and the soft denim of his jeans brushes against my leg, his erection at my hip. So tantalizingly close. He brings me to the brink again, my body singing with need, and stops.“No,” I mewl loudly.

He plants soft wet kisses on my shoulder as he withdraws his fingers from me, and moves the wand down. It oscillates over my stomach, my belly, onto my sex, against my clitoris. Fuck, it’s intense.“Ah!” I cry out, pulling hard on the restraints.My body is so sensitized I feel I am going to explode, and just as I am, he stops again.“Frustrating, yes?” he murmurs against my throat. “Just like you. Promising one thing and then . . .” His voice trails off.“please!” I beg.He pushes the wand against me again and again, stopping just at the vital moment each time. Ah!“Each time I stop, it feels more intense when I start again. Right?”“Please,” I whimper. My nerve endings are screaming for release.

The buzzing stops and he kisses me. He runs his nose down mine. “You are the most frustrating woman I have ever met.”No, No, No.“I never promised to obey you. Please, please—”He moves in front of me, grabs my behind and pushes his hips against me, making me gasp—his groin rubing into mine, the buttons of his jeans pressing into me, barely containing his erection. With one hand he pulls off the blindfold and grasps my chin, and I blink up into his scorching eyes.“You drive me crazy,” he whispers, flexing his hips against me once, twice,three times more, causing my body to spark—ready to burn. And again he denies me. I want him so badly. I need him so badly. I close my eyes and mutter a prayer. I can’t help but feel I’m being punished. I’m helpless and he’s ruthless. Tears spring to my eyes. I don’t know how far he’s going to take this.“Please,” I whisper once more.But he gazes down at me, implacable. He’s just going to continue. For how long? Can I play this game? No. No. No—I can’t do this. I know he’s not going to stop. He’s going tocontinue to torture me. His hand travels down my body once more. No . . . And the dam bursts—all the apprehension, the anxiety , and the fear from the last couple of days overwhelming me anew as tears spring to my eyes. I turn away from him. This is not love. It’s revenge.